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A collection of bizarre bootleg toys

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Mar - 29 - 2012
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Official merchandise is expensive, and a good chunk of the time it’s pretty crappy-looking anyway. As long as you’re committed to buying cheap toys of your favorite superheroes and video game characters, why not invest in some low-quality bootlegs? Translation errors, bad paint jobs, weird accessories, shoddy workmanship — these will all keep you entertained for ages, at bargain prices!

Sailor Moon

Sailor Moon was a popular Japanese anime program for young girls that premiered on American television in the early ’90s. We have no idea who Shirley Moore is. A princess soldier from the planet Moore, perhaps? Or maybe just your local librarian doing Sailor Moon cosplay?

Batman

Toy manufacturer: “Clearly a billionaire lone vigilante seeking justice for his parents’ murder in a corrupt city isn’t cool enough for kids. How do we make it cool… I know, skateboards! ‘Non-fall action!’ And let’s get ‘Super’ into his name because how else will anyone know he’s a superhero? Seriously, Chris Nolan should be paying us.”

Superman

Yeesh. Yeah, we prefer a poorly-renamed Batman on a skateboard to whatever this is…

The A-Team

We’re actually surprised by the details they got right here, like that B.A. Barracus always drives (we guess that’s why it says “B.A. on the side?). The double Hannibals are a little weird, though — and so is that awkward-looking front bumper.

Toy Story

We don’t want to know what imaginary Barbie doll Woody is fantasizing about with this suggestive pose, either.

Harry Potter

Leave broomsticks — clearly, what the boy wizard needs is a Batmobile that’s covered in pictures of his own face. It can live in the Forbidden Forest with Ron’s flying Ford Anglica!

Super Mario

We don’t even know, guys.

Thomas the Tank Engine

Who’d have thought that ol’ Thomas had this in him? We definitely didn’t. Percy, James, Gordon, and all the other engines had better watch themselves.

Mickey Mouse

Well, this is completely disturbing and will definitely haunt our dreams for years to come. And according to the box, it’s battery operated, which raises the question: what exactly does it do? Please tell us it doesn’t walk around trying to bite things. Seriously, we can’t think of anything creepier than that.

Pokémon

OH GOD NO WE WERE SO WRONG THIS IS CREEPIER GET IT AWAY

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